In the future we'll all be gay
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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