I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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