Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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