I need to stop coming to work sober
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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