she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
