i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
