Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
