Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
