you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My bed smells like the plague
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
