That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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