the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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