do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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