I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
