if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
