i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
