she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
