i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
