no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My liver just had a heart attack.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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