So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
