A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
