i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
