He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
they need to just BURY HIM!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
