i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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