just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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