I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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