It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
