ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
