You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
