got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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