I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
