it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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