FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
