I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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