i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
