Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
