Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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