i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
