If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
