This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
