drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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