I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
