Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Send help, water and tortillas.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
