I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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