This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
