You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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