apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just googled if crying burns calories
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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