she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
