I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
