Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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