Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
do nipples grow back?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
