Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
