my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
